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In a great effort in being more helpful to the world at large, I bring to the web my pro-tips on living a life sans Darwin Awards.

Pro-Tip #1: Cheese

Last summer I was introduced to a delightful brand of cheese called ‘Baby Bel’.  If you have not encountered this brand before, I highly recommend you give it a try.  It comes adorably encased in its own little package of wax and cellophane.  A finger food snack for those moments when you are so hungry the idea of eating the love child between mold and udder fluids fills you with delight instead of horror.

It’s a girl!

I began stock piling these cheeses as snacks at work and home.  One day I was stuck in traffic and so I decided to eat one on the way home.  I carefully unwrapped the outer covering and then cracked open the red wax shell.  Five minutes later the cheese was consumed, I was still in traffic, and I had trash that I didn’t know where to put.  So I decided to just stuff it in a pocket on my car door.  And there it lay, all summer, like a science experiment that proves without a doubt that heat melts wax.

I soon discovered that wax is quite difficult to get off of an object when it has melted.  Why is this?  I am not entirely sure but I would venture a guess it has something to do with physics or thermodynamics.

Fast forward a year.  The wax is still in my car door.  What’s worse is that it’s in the place most natural to place one’s hand when attempting to close the driver’s door.  What’s even worse is that at the same time the wax has permanently melded with the plastic, it has sweated out the greasy residue of the cheese that once nestled within those crimson walls.

It also attracts leaves.

So remember, next time you wish to consume cheese in a vehicle, remember this tip and don’t do what Liz did.

The End.