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Hi and stuff.

I thought it might be nice if we had a little chat about things that you do that are not only aggravating to be a witness to, but are occasionally not even safe.

Let’s start this off by focusing on the subject of personal hygiene.

#1: Deodorant is your friend.
I don’t know how many times I will be close to death pretending to run on a treadmill, my mouth hanging open like a seizure induced canine, when one of your species wafts by.  Spoiler alert: It is unpleasant to have the smells of a million sweat cells cavorting in your armpits become embedded in my nose and mouth. This is an experience that no amount of vodka and breath mints can ever fully eradicate.

axe
P.S. This crap doesn’t count. Instead of taking away smell, it mates with it and breeds horrifying olfactory bulb monsters with five heads and six tails.

#2: Wear attire that covers your body in a wide range of poses.
There I am: innocently doing the plank on a floor mat.  And there you are: wearing shorts so short they almost don’t even count as shorts anymore.

rodney
Also a disturbing choice.

#3: Which brings us to the all important point of… Underwear should be worn at all times.
The main criminals are those who choose to wear short shorts, and then choose to lean wayyyyyyyyyyyyy over to pick up that oh-so heavy bar bell.  Yes, I have seen France and I am far more OK at seeing your underpants than other things.

pony
This ended up being a happier Google Image search than anything actually relating to this point.

#4: Which neatly dovetails into my final point of… Do NOT stand over me when ignoring points 2 and 3.
I was at the gym one glorious Friday night.  Only about a dozen people were there and I had annexed the entire Advanced Training section to become my own personal Idaho of Exercise Awesome.

I unfurled a floor mat and decided to hit up the dreaded crunches first thing.  I had my music on and my eyes closed as I counted.  Then I looked up.

Straight up into the unbound cavern of some guy’s short shorts as he stood over me lifting weights and watching music videos.

Some things Seen can never be Unseen.

cave
Well said, Han Solo.  Well said.

Sincerely,

Liz

P.S. The End.

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